|
|
 |
|
The following page was printed from RemoteCentral.com:
|
Favorite Steven Wright sayings
| |
|
| Topic: | Favorite Steven Wright sayings This thread has 13 replies. Displaying all posts. |
|
| Post 1 made on Thursday September 8, 2011 at 14:09 |
goodnf Select Member |
Joined:
Posts: | October 2002
1,744 |
|
|
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. One time I went to a museum where all the work had been done by children. They had all the paintings on refrigerators. When I was crossing the border coming back from Canada, they said, "Do you have any firearms?" I said, "What do you need?"
Last edited by goodnf on July 11, 2012 13:34.
|
I'm just a sheep in wolf's clothing... |
|
| Post 2 made on Saturday September 10, 2011 at 14:36 |
Neurorad Super Member |
Joined:
Posts: | September 2007
3,011 |
|
|
I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol.
|
TB A+ Partner
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha |
|
| Post 3 made on Saturday December 31, 2011 at 23:04 |
bradpuddephatt Long Time Member |
Joined:
Posts: | December 2011
57 |
|
|
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered over the beaches of the earth.
I'm a peripheral visionary. I see everything, just way off to the side.
|
|
| Post 4 made on Monday January 2, 2012 at 20:34 |
bennettavi Active Member |
Joined:
Posts: | August 2003
675 |
|
|
I was told I couldnt have a dog in my 2nd floor apartment, so I bought a horse. Sometimes, I like to ride him into the kitchen and make a sandwich.
|
|
| Post 5 made on Tuesday January 10, 2012 at 13:34 |
Neurorad Super Member |
Joined:
Posts: | September 2007
3,011 |
|
|
I'm having an MRI next week. They're testing me for claustrophobia.
|
TB A+ Partner
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha |
|
| Post 6 made on Tuesday January 10, 2012 at 20:57 |
highfigh Loyal Member |
Joined:
Posts: | September 2004
8,320 |
|
|
"I have a life-size map of the World".
|
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." |
|
| Post 7 made on Friday January 27, 2012 at 22:24 |
bradpuddephatt Long Time Member |
Joined:
Posts: | December 2011
57 |
|
|
I got kicked out of a casino after having a heated argument at the roullette table over what I considered an "odd" number.
|
|
| Post 8 made on Wednesday March 28, 2012 at 14:12 |
Andrea Whitlock Welcome Back |
Joined:
Posts: | June 1999
1,209 |
|
|
I don't match socks by colors. I go by thickness.
|
|
|
| OP | Post 9 made on Wednesday July 11, 2012 at 13:36 |
goodnf Select Member |
Joined:
Posts: | October 2002
1,744 |
|
|
I bought some used paint. It came in the shape of a house.
|
I'm just a sheep in wolf's clothing... |
|
| Post 10 made on Tuesday September 11, 2012 at 13:12 |
Neurorad Super Member |
Joined:
Posts: | September 2007
3,011 |
|
|
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
|
TB A+ Partner
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha |
|
| Post 11 made on Tuesday January 29, 2013 at 01:42 |
BigWood Super Member |
Joined:
Posts: | January 2004
2,836 |
|
|
if man evolved from apes,........why do we still have apes
|
|
| Post 12 made on Friday June 28, 2019 at 19:25 |
I accidentally put my car key in the lock of my apartment door. The whole building started up.
|
|
| Post 13 made on Sunday August 11, 2019 at 15:49 |
FunHouse Texas Active Member |
Joined:
Posts: | June 2013
595 |
|
|
I'm not afraid of Heights - I'm afraid of widths..
|
I AM responsible for typographical errors!
I have all the money I will ever need - unless i buy something.. |
|
| Post 14 made on Tuesday September 7, 2021 at 14:02 |
Michael M Founding Member |
Joined:
Posts: | September 2001
8 |
|
|
I was in a general store, and they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
|
|
 |
Before you can reply to a message... |
You must first register for a Remote Central user account - it's fast and free! Or, if you already have an account, please login now. |
Please read the following: Unsolicited commercial advertisements are absolutely not permitted on this forum. Other private buy & sell messages should be posted to our Marketplace. For information on how to advertise your service or product click here. Remote Central reserves the right to remove or modify any post that is deemed inappropriate.
|
|
